Just as I said in the Day 27 post, whatever your approach to dating may be, our teens are preparing for the possibility of one day being married. They are developing character and habits that will hopefully make them a good spouse one day.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5: 22-24)
I don't really desire to get into a debate about submission here, but I think we can agree that the heart of submission is respect. The heart of a man desires respect from his wife. He wants to be your hero, the one who you think is the greatest in all the earth. Am I right, ladies?
How can I help my daughters learn to speak respect?
I think that a lot of how we communicate respect to our husband is how we speak. Our tone, our choice of words~ they go a long way in building up or tearing down our husbands. Our example is the biggest way that our daughters will learn how to respect their husbands. They are listening. Our actions speak louder than words. Like I said in the last post, this can feel scary because I am far from perfect.
I also try to help my daughters learn to speak respect by using their interactions with their brothers. Habits are formed at home, right? We will often talk about conversations that happened and better ways to phrase their words. Sometimes we will use movies or reality television as a starting point for our conversations. Hopefully, they will develop good habits in choosing their words with care. It's so much easier when this is a habit rather than trying to create new habits when the honeymoon phase of marriage wears off.
This is an issue I'm still working through– still pondering.
What are some other ways that we can teach our daughters to speak respect to the men around them?
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We should be teaching all our children to speak respectfully to us and to each other – starting from when they are little. Of course, we need to model respect to others, including our children as well. My daughter noted the difference in two different weddings she was in – in one the bridesmaids were an all-out cheering squad for the bride. It was all about her and they put all their efforts into making her day special. (I tend to think these girls will also be respectful to their husbands.) In the other one, the bridesmaids seemed to be at least as concerned about themselves as they were about the bride (although they performed all the traditional bridesmaid duties). Which one of these two would you rather have married to your son?
I totally agree, Marilyn! That was a very astute observation on your daughters's part.
I've also been mulling over the diffences between how we are respectful to others and how we are respectful to our husbands. There are those subtle things~ the things that would not offend just anyone, but that our husband may feel slighted by. Does that make sense? I guess I'm wondering if there are some things that I can teach my daughters now about how to speak to her man.
Though I have some strong opinions about this particular bible verse and its reference to “submission” of women to men, I will leave that for now. As a mother of 5, 3 sons, 2 daughters, I have always taught with the belief that each child should respect themselves in their own words and actions, and that will in turn reflect in their respect of others. As strong as I believe my daughters show respect toward God, their dad, or their brothers, I believe my sons need to show the same respect equally to women. One can only get respect if it is given in turn. With that each of them will choose friendships or relationships based on mutual respect.